Understanding Myself Through Emotions

Looking at my emotions is the way I understand myself, others, and the world around me. Through the lens of emotions, I also explore questions of morality, power, and how they affect our inner world and social resilience. The deeper I go into emotions, the more I realize that emotions give life its meaning. They allow us to connect with ourselves and with others. Without emotions, we wouldn’t, for example, get up at night for a crying baby.

If we are born with empathy and we came here to feel, how does it make sense that we hurt ourselves and others so much? How is it that instead of nurturing empathy and listening, we create division, isolation, and loneliness?

Diving deep into the world of emotions, especially the complex connections between thoughts, feelings, and behavior, taught me that people will do almost anything to avoid painful emotions like shame, humiliation, fear, and more. Sometimes this includes hurting others or misusing the power they have, actions that are not moral. Few people can take responsibility for the harm they cause without denying it, blaming, or shutting down. This is dangerous because a society that suppresses and ignores pain allows injustice to continue, and people feel it’s not their problem. At the same time, deep down, we all want to feel more connected, more alive, and more part of life, ourselves, and those around us.

We grew up in a society that doesn’t value emotion, and we learned to run from our feelings. The more we run, the less we understand ourselves and the further we move from true human connection. Real connection requires emotional vulnerability and showing our true selves, parts we are sometimes ashamed of. We fear that if people see all our sides, we won’t be worthy of connection. This is the opposite of connection, it is the fear of disconnection.

To feel is to take responsibility for our emotions, not act them out. As Brené Brown says, “We want to remember the wound, not become the wound.” We can change unhealthy emotional patterns into ones that support self-worth and responsibility. This requires understanding that emotions are complex, a whole system of interconnected parts. Yet, we often treat them in a simple, binary way: “positive” (pleasant) or “negative” (unpleasant). We try to get rid of the unpleasant ones to avoid pain. We suppress emotions and judge ourselves for having them, trapped in our heads and focused on being “right.” This creates internal conflict, reactivity, and frustration. Ignoring or pushing away emotions doesn’t work, they only grow stronger. Even when we feel in control, emotions are the ones controlling us.

To understand our inner world, we need a different approach: openness and curiosity toward our emotions, thoughts, and behaviors. Emotions are messages, the source of real insight. They guide us to our pain, show us what truly matters, what we care about, and what drives us toward positive change. We need courage to allow ourselves to feel pain. Feeling sadness or other painful emotions doesn’t mean anything except that we are human. If we let ourselves truly feel, without judgment or trying to change it, emotions can flow through us like waves, reach their peak, and eventually release. This leaves us more whole, connected to ourselves, and better able to handle life’s challenges.

I have learned that courage is being at the edges, holding even painful emotions. Being at the edges brings clarity and beauty to life. When I allow myself to feel, I expand my freedom. I can be close to myself, act in line with my values, and stay connected to my beliefs. I know I will always need to practice holding these edges. It may feel like we do it for others, but it mostly rewards us: we become more authentic, more connected to ourselves, and that is true belonging.

“You are only free when you realize you belong no place – you belong every place – no place at all. The price is high. The reward is great.”

Maya Angelou

Picture taken from Pinterest